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Dear Doctor
How hot is hell?
Professor Charles
Dear Professor
Our researchers found this.....
"The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed
from available data. Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the
light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the
Sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days." Thus Heaven
receives from the Moon as much radiation as we do from the Sun, and in
addition seven times seven (49) times as much as the Earth does from the
Sun, or fifty times in all. The light we receive from the Moon is one
ten-thousandth of the light we receive from the Sun, so we can ignore
that. With these data we can compute the temperature of Heaven. The
radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost
by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven
loses fifty times as much heat as the Earth by radiation. Using the
Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute
temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact
temperature of Hell cannot be computed, but it must be less than 444.6C,
the temperature at which brimstone or sulphur changes from a liquid to a
gas Revelations 21:8 says "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall
have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." A
lake of molten brimstone means that its temperature must be at or below
the boiling point, or 444.6C (Above this point it would be a vapor, not a
lake.) We have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at
445C."
-- "Applied Optics", vol. 11, A14, 1972
I hope this helps.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
I am finding it difficult to make time for Church on Sundays. What
should I do?
V Dibley
Dear V
Try going on a Monday.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
I think I am losing my faith. Is there a god?
R Hammerstein
Dear R
Probably not, but don't worry. Faith is not all it's cracked up to
be. Go ahead and lose it.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
My boyfriend keeps looking at other women. Does he love me?
R Cash
Dear R
Of course he does. We can't help it.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
I drink recreationally. Am I an alcoholic?
D Spooner
Dear D
I'm afraid so.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
I am afraid of death. Should I be?
M Torium
Dear M
No no no. Look upon it as more of an opportunity
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
What should I do about "Red" Ken?
T Blair (Honourable)
Dear T
Leave him alone you little tit. He's doing a far better job than
your privately schooled lily white butt ever could.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
my fiance (sic) has just informed me that see (sic) has been impregnated
by an angel, as we have never slept together my problem is how do I become
an angel?
Confused of Wallasey
Dear C
First we have to establish the gender of your fiancee. If male, at
least pregnancy is unlikely. Secondly, you need to determine whether
it was against his/her will or whether s/he willingly submitted. If
the former, see if you can engage the angel in battle. If the
latter, see if you can join in. Either way, your imminent angelhood
is reasonably assured.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
my partner says s/he has been a donkey in a former life. what will
s/he be next?
yours, sam
Dear S
First we need to establish the current species of you partner.
Assuming your partner is human and is telling the truth, the logical
progression from donkey to human would be to tree or possibly wheat.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
my partner was a cow in a former life. does that meen (sic) i have
been sleeping with one.
A Gothgang
Dear A
You do not indicate whether or not you live on a dairy farm.
If you do (and you still have a herd), check to see if you are waking up
in the barn. If so, there is every possibility that you may indeed
be sleeping with a cow. This is not in itself necessarily a bad
thing, but it is probably advisable to to have a shower before entering
the house.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
To whoever created your
excellent web page:
Most of the site appears in Netscape in a font about 3 pixels high (which
I have a lot of difficulty reading, being old and decrepit), but whatever
you did for the Funeral ceremony (not the welcoming and marrying
ceremonies) makes it come out in a reasonable size font that I can read
with ease. You might like to to apply this bit of knowledge to the Common
Understanding and make the rest of the web site readable to the aged and
infirm.
Regards, Laurie
Dear L
Many thanks for your helpful comments. We will look into this, not
least because current consumer demographics show the more elderly
Parishioners as having considerable surplus spending power. So, big
respeck...
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
I have been reading about the "Crystal Skulls". Are they
Mayan or extra-terrestrial?
R Daltry
Dear R
I suspect the latter. But I don't think they were carved. More a
case of being electronically
shaped.
Yours, VRDM
Dear Doctor
I am unsure as to how to react to the World Trade Centre disaster. I
know it is an awful tragedy, but surely people are dying the world over in
equally tragic circumstances. Is our indifference just because we
aren't witnessing it in agonising detail over many days on prime time
television? Is it because we can't identify with third world peasantry as
they die in their thousands; because we can identify more readily with
people in suits and carrying briefcases and mobile phones? I don't
know how to act. I don't know how to grieve. When should I get
back to normal?
Nicky Hilton
Dear N
An often quoted example of the heroics of returning to "normal"
is the heroic New York Stock Exchange and its associated
"traders". Before the dust had even properly settled, they
were heroically trading away from hotel suites and other towers. And
let there be no mistake, whilst the bulk of them were unpatriotically
panic selling everything that looked in the least jittery (thereby of
course escalating the jitteriness and the downward trend in the market as
a whole), many of them were heroically, even in those early days, buying
"defence" industry stocks as these began to shoot up in value on
the promise of all out war. Clearly, even in times of first world
tragedy, there's always room for speculation.
In terms of how to grieve, I would suggest disinvesting in every way
possible from the more distasteful multi-national companies. Look to
see which of them is starving and disinheriting more of the world's
citizens and disinvest or get your bank or your pension fund or your
insurer or your government to disinvest. Above all, don't buy their
products. Crashing aeroplanes into towers may not be the way to
redress destructive and unjust global economic imbalances, but neither is
pretending the imbalances don't exist
Yours, VRDM
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